ashtrays and killer crabs (croatia part 3)

After the storm passed we had no more bad weather in Croatia. We saw Pete and his wife (I like to think of her as Maureen) a couple of times the week we were on the island and we always had a little wave at each other. They saved our lives so I'll have to vote them to be the best people we met.

The next best person was the owner of a restaurant we went to for dinner on our first night in Stari Grad. Igor's restaurant was a dark little venue with fishing nets and pictures of boats all over the place. Tansley ordered fish and I had a simple pizza. I was way too tired to cope with something like the langoustine from the other night. I don't think I've ever had such a case of food envy ever before. Tansley's looked amazing! I think while Igor was perfecting the amazing crispy fish he overdid my sad looking pizza.

We were the only people in the restaurant. In fact, the whole town seemed deserted. Igor's wife sat texting on her phone at one table and Igor himself was on his laptop at another. It was a bit like we had just turned up in someone's house and started eating… I think Igor must've been bored because at one point during our peaceful meal there was a big smash. I didn't see what happened but Tansley informs me (and he should be reliable, being a news employee) that Igor had been juggling the glass ashtrays from the tables outside…

The entertainment was then followed with a free shot of grappa courtesy of Igor. I wasn't sure at first but when I saw a small pot of paint in the corner of the restaurant it was confirmed that it must've actually been paint stripper. It was meant for after the meal but I drank it just before the end, burning off my taste buds and not being able to taste the rest of my meal. At least I still had some apple juice to wash it down with though. Tansley had to take the pain.

The holiday was a lazy one. Every other day we'd go sight-seeing around Stari Grad or one of the surrounding towns. We visited Hvar Town and although it was pretty it was no way near as good as our quiet little Stari Grad.

Stari Grad

Hvar Town

As the week went on we started to see more tourists but Stari Grad stayed pretty deserted. On our lazy days we always went to a beach. I say beach…The island looked very much like Scotland. It was covered in pines and steep hills led down to the waters edge. The steep slopes meant that beaches didn't really exist or if they did they were small pebbly ones. So along the coast were some man-made concrete 'beaches'. They were…an experience! I can't quite say I ever got comfortable lying on one reading my book. But that was more than made up for with the weather and the warm sea. Warm sea. I didn't know it could be possible! After years of freezing to death on Cornish beaches I could actually get into the sea up to my neck and swim around without dying!

The biggest risk of death and/or nipped toes I only noticed when it scuttled past my face as I was lying down reading…Crabs. Lots and lots of crabs.

We generally had the beaches to ourselves apart from maybe one or two other quiet people. We knew our holiday was over when on our last day our favourite and most special beach was invaded by a whole glassful of loud kids…

In the evenings we watched Croatian Masterchef and a few of the many soap operas available. It's good fun trying to work out what on earth is going on. Masterchef seems to have about 50 judges in Croatia…and all of them love blatantly advertising weird looking packets of food.

I read a lot too. Reading 'World War Z' by Max Brooks at night when you're the only people in an apartment block is scary…Very scary! I had my escape route planned (Don't bother seeing the movie, by the way. It'll be rubbish because they've changed so much. Read the book for sure though.) When someone actually did move in to the block later in the week I wasn't reassured! They sounded zombie-ish with their banging around...

On our last night we had to go back to the first restaurant:

1. I needed to have that amazing fish meal.

2. We wanted the legend that is Igor to be our goodbye from the island.

The night didn't disappoint. This time Igor (instead of smashing the place up) completely disappeared after our meal. We waited so long for him to come back that even his constantly texting wife noticed and went off to find him. Good ol' Igor.

The next day we got the ferry back to Split for one more night before flying home. I have never in my life had a worse nights sleep. Split, having been quiet when we were first there, had become slightly lively… Somehow Tansley managed to sleep through drunks shouting, a couple having a screaming argument, a man's howl, carts being dragged down the paving stones outside, whipping sounds, and (I'm not entirely sure I didn't make this up in my delirium) a Croatian barbershop quartet singing…I had exactly one hours sleep before we travelled back.

Just to show us we were back in England there was a massive thunder and lightning storm as soon as we arrived. This time I wasn't so lucky as to not get soaked before I got home…Bring on next year!

*most likely not his name but he definitely looked like an Igor.